You know that feeling where sometimes you just want to shoot somebody down or maybe ask someone to kill you. Both are fine. Either you die or you get the thrill of shooting somebody down. Since yesterday, I have been on this sort of an emotional high and I am not sure where it’s coming from. Okay! Okay! I am aware of it. Thanks to enough blogging and venting and introspecting and reflecting, I exactly know why I am losing it sometimes. It’s because I haven’t been giving myself the desired level of self care for whatever reason, not reasons beyond my control, but for some reason it’s been out of my radar. This has happened to me in the past too where I am losing my shit, my anger is all over the place, I am screaming at my five year old, and I know it. It’s because I haven’t been disciplined enough about my self care. Miss Light, are you loving yourself enough the past one month? Have you been caring for your body and tending to your inner voice? or Have you been all over the place, trying to put your hands on multiple projects, multiple activities, meeting too many people, which has basically taken you a bit off your path. Lets get down to nitty gritty, I haven’t been able to wake up on time for my meditations, my back has decided to give way, thanks to lack of exercise and yoga, I have been doing all the things where my heart is not completely in it, I have been sleeping late, scrolling through social media, and so here I am since yesterday where all I feel like doing is shooting someone down, or killing myself? Which do you think is a better option? Maybe, killing myself will not take me to jail, so let’s go with this. And what does killing myself really mean? Let’s not get literal here. I have a few more things to accomplish before I truly die, but I don’t mind dying to some old patterns, old ways of doing things, old ways of being, old ways of loving and receiving love, old ways of questioning every damn thing under existence, old ways, oh the old ways. Lets die to all these old ways, one after another, and what will be born will be someone who is free, someone who denotes freedom, someone who is not caught up, someone who is not wavering, someone who knows exactly what she wants, and she waits for it, she waits for it patiently with all the power that’s been bestowed upon her, because infinite patience is the fastest way. There is no faster way that that. You can scream all you want to, you can get angry, and want life to be a certain way. But the crux of the matter is Infinite patience is the fastest way to whatever you want in life. There is no other way. Patience to be a better person, patience to be the best version of yourself, patience to love everyone unconditionally, patience to embody all these wonderful spiritual qualities you want to embody, patience to achieve your dreams, patience, patience, patience. Until then, kill yourself, kill all the things that are not serving you, and be reborn every single day because thats all you have anyway. You can pretend like the whole world is on your finger tips but it’s not, and it’s only going to disappoint you. Disappoint you so badly because all you have is the present and whatever is in front of you. You have no control over anything else. You can pretend like you do and feel good about yourself and that’s great but eventually you will come to the realisation that there is a divine play at hand and you have no say in the way your life is unfolding before you.
Until next time. When I am in a better mood to show you some positivity. Today, all I had is this side of me to show you.
Love & Light,
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