Today, as I was walking, I had a hundred thoughts in my head but I also felt my heart wide open, open to any possibility or miracle. Sometimes, I wonder if I live in a dream land. Maybe I do, some parts of my day, especially when I am walking, I do live in a dream land, an altered state, a state where everything is just flowing past me, nothing sticks to me, nothing bothers me as it used to before. I feel like I am a dreamer living a dream. Am I the dreamer? Two years ago, I asked my teacher, how can I access this state? I have so many roles, and responsibilities and he said this is your homework, you will have to check and see. It’s taken me two years to get to this place and finally I am making sense of what he was telling me. It’s finally sunk in. I finally feel it. Finally!
I stay away from drama, and heavy conversations, I stay away from gossip and negativity. I safeguard my personal space by doing this. Even if I am around people who are stressed, I go back to my breath and I just close down. I don’t take in their energies. I am with you but not with you. I can be part of you and still be separate from you.
Coming back to relentless lover, I realized all my life I have loved deeply, whether it was my parents, boy friends, husbands, friends, just anyone. And when you love deeply, you also get hurt deeply. It’s a double-edged sword. No relationship has just stuck to the surface, all surface level relationships faded away quickly. Deep conversations, deep connections, is all that mattered to me. Getting to the core of who you are is what I am interested in, as long as you’re open to sharing but most people aren’t open to sharing. They’re so closed. And so I let go of these people as quickly as they came into my life. I don’t have time for surface level talk, or complaints, let’s dig deeper, let’s get to the root of it and let’s finish it off once for all. But not everyone is ready for this and so I am learning to gauge this. Maybe that’s why I am drawn to transformational and deep coaching these days and nothing less. Not a life coach, or a healer, or just any coach. It’s either all or nothing. I don’t want to just help people with one issue but I want to work with all your issues and get to the root of everything. Slowly. But that’s the goal. One life at a time. One transformation at a time.
Recently, a friend messaged me after many many years and told me he missed talking to me. After so many years? I wondered. But I felt good. So good. Maybe I did leave an impact on him when we met and so he really wanted to talk to me. He said I would love to be coached by you and I thought Woh! Here, I have my first client. Life is magical because from nowhere opportunities come and from nowhere they go away too We start with nothing and we return to nothing. To finally feel through these teachings I have been taught is like pure magic. It’s no more just a concept in my head. It’s gone deeper just like everything else in my life.
Do I intimidate you? I think I do. I think a lot of people are intimidated by me. I am slowly starting to realize it. But if you don’t go underneath the surface of me, you will be. But if you’ve known the roots of me, you will know that I am the most fun loving, shy, funny, crazy human. But for that you need to know me truly. I can be who you want me to be. And so it’s very difficult to figure me out. And that’s what makes this journey even more fun. You don’t know what you’re in for when you meet me. I can talk surface level shit and make you feel like I am part of all that when in reality I am way below, way above or none of that. But isn’t that the beauty of human existence, leave your damn identities and become one with everyone and everything with no judgements, no agendas so everyone feels wanted.
Not sure if I contradicted myself in this post. But I live, breathe in contradictions. And I am pretty good at doing that too. As I said, it’s too hard to figure me out.
Coming back to relentless lover, looks like I am not really writing about what I wanted to write about. But that’s the case with me always. Maybe, you can figure it out for yourself. Who is a relentless lover? Can you be a relentless lover? What does it take to love deeply, with every cell in your body? Not just this person or that person. Go beyond the concept of a relationship. A relentless lover of reality. A relentless lover of everything and nothing. Love deep. Dig Deep.
With gratitude and love,
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