Do you remember the feeling when you left home for the first time? The feeling when you turned 18 and you’re on your own now. Your parents haven’t abandoned you but it’s time you figure this life out on your own and you’re so ready, so excited, so full of anxiousness, fear, but deep down, you’re ready, so ready, you have never been more ready to figure this life out on your own and so you say your good bye’s and embrace this new life. Today, as I read some messages from my teacher, I felt that. That same feeling of leaving home. I saw it coming, I think. It was just a matter of time. My husband seemed the happiest and as I was cribbing about it asked myself why? Why would he do this? My husband said, it’s time you do the things you’ve decided to do, which you’ve been postponing for many months, one of them being writing a book. And so, yes there is a lot of unknown, a lot of uncertainty, but amidst all of this, I am also excited to see what lies ahead for me. These days, I live each day, literally one day at a time, I can’t see into the future, I am not able to, like yesterday as I was in an auto rickshaw, I tried to look into the future but I couldn’t and so I just stopped. I just enjoyed the cool breeze on my face and then something crazy happened. I thought to myself, Miss Light, Why have you become so serious? Have you forgotten rule no 6 from your teacher? To not take life soooooo seriously and as I thought about it, Guess what I saw in front of me on the taxi metre, I saw a statue of a Laughing Buddha and I laughed. I really laughed. It was a sign for me to stop going on this quest to figure my life out so serious, which I have been doing the past many months. It’s like I am on a mission to figure this life out and no one can come in my way, just no one. And I like the determination I hold but it can get boring for people around me. So, then once in a way, it’s good for me to take a break, I don’t know how to take a break though. So even when I have taken a break, I start thinking or writing or reading and then my break time is over. So, then the only time I truly loosen up is when I am singing. So, I have started singing again. I also loosen up when I play with my daughter and so I try to have more play time with her once she is back from school. Asking me to watch a movie, or a show isn’t happening these days. I am not getting called to do it, so I just stay away from Netflix and I think that’s where my husband finds me boring. But it is what it is. So, today I feel like an 18 year old who has been told to figure this life out on her own. Who will answer my questions? Who will I vent to? Who will I complain to? Who will listen to me patiently? Who is going to be there on the other side? And as I hear the voices inside me screaming, Don’t leave me just yet teacher, I also hear some other voices screaming, Yay! It’s time to be free. You’re free. You’re free to do what you want to do. Oh! the places you’ll go, the places you’ll go!
Will I stop troubling my teacher? Not sure. Will I ever need his guidance? Not sure. Is this it? Not sure. What am I sure about then? Nothing. I am not sure about anything. Okay. I am sure about one thing and that is I have found my calling. I have found my inner voice. I have found my strength. I have found my love. I have found my teacher. I have found many many things. Oops! Not just one, afterall. And the journey has just begun. It’s time to freeeeeeee fall! It’s time to deep dive! It’s time to let go! It’s time to surrender! It’s time to trust in the unknown!
See you on the other side.
Lots of love,
Miss Light
Lightrosh 